Monday, November 14, 2011

Coming to terms

There are times, many times, in fact, when I feel like I am looking at my life in a sort of out of body looking at it from afar as if this house, these kids, this life is someone else's.  How can I have children,  let alone ones that are so capable, almost as tall as me, singing in school concerts, dancing in recitals, tumbling in gymnastics, running on the basketball court? Since when did I have the authority to sign a report card, go to conferences, and make all the rules? How can I be the mom when I remember being the kid so vividly, which sometimes feels like it was such a short time ago? I look at my children in awe of what they are becoming, I look at the household that I'm running, the kids I am raising, the business that I'm starting, and am quickly brought back to the reality that I am the mom!

There are many defining moments of motherhood. Years ago, I wrote about a few that really hit a slap in the face that screamed, "You are the Mom." Those moments that sneak up on you when you least expect it. Sometimes, it's when you witness them doing something independently of you, like performing on stage  - it always brings tears to my eyes (I still claim it's allergies and just coincidental that it happens at performances of any kind involving my children). Other times, it's as simple as getting the girls' school portraits. With that one - it's a matter of having flashbacks to my own school photos - the anticipation so great and the results often disappointing. The same pictures millions of kids have taken over the years and at the ones that end up hung on the wall going up a set of stairs. It's that hallway where they went in almost every house I remember from my childhood and purposefully are not hung that way in my house - makes me feel too momish (yes, that's a word, I think). Maybe it's the grey background or the forced smile - but I look at those pictures unlike any others I see. This will document who they are in yearbooks and in the memories of their friends. At my recent high school reunion, it was the yearbooks that were set out that jogged our memories. They are just beginning to make all of the memories we, as 38 year olds, were trying to recollect. It feels strange to be on the other side of it. To be the parent. To already be at the point where babyhood is far behind me never to be revisited again. I have been a mom for over nine years now and I still have the occasional out of body "are these my kids?" moments. It's hard to explain the feeling, the ones I get when I sit in a classroom full of parents that are now my peers and the ones I get when i experience something out of the ordinary with my children. I expect that my allergies will creep up on me more and more as the kids venture out and become more involved, more independent, more of their own person pursuing their own dreams.

So, here are a few pictures of my big kids taken within the last few weeks:

I love that she still gets into Halloween. She was beyond excited for the day to arrive.  Now, instead of shyly holding my hand going door to door, she runs with her friends 5 houses in front of me...

Skye has been into fashion since she could walk and talk (which I think is always). For our annual fall photos, she determined which outfit she would wear. We all coordinated around her choice.

ONe of these days, I will do a side by side comparison of Syd and myself at her age. People tell me we look a lot of like. It's hard for me to see it, though.

Cole's love of cars hasn't let up. He would play in the car everyday all day if I let him. Which I don't.

The Halloween parade at school. While Syd looks for me and smiles, Skye finds me and shoots a little "pre pre teenage" glare. She's always aware of her social surroundings.

This is the first year Skye wanted to go as something scary. She is a pretty cute vampire queen.

Both girls were proud to show off "the Minion" aka Cole.

The girls with their friends prior to trick or treating.

Looking for trouble and looking like his dad..

The girls performing at a high school football game.

As cheesy as these pictures can be, you just have to do it.

I give her 2 years before she's well over the five feet mark.

We took a hay ride out to the pumpkin patch...this is not one of the pumpkins we chose.

I hope Sydney's enthusiasm for all things never wanes. She was in search of the perfect pumpkin.

Colton is knee deep in the "me do it" phase. He picked a great pumpkin and tried to convince us he could carry it.


So cute, so little.

Cole's the perfect age for a children's museum. He loved every minute of it and could have played with this for hours.

My future teenager...she's ahead of the curve in giving the "look"

Drawing the perfect pumpkin face to be carved. She's always had an artistic flare.

Helping Cole design his pumpkin.

Pumpkin guts or future delicious cinnamon sugar pumpkin seeds

There was a time when the girls wouldn't touch the inside of a pumpkin. Now, they can't wait.

Todd's first time carving a pumpkin was a success.

Told the kids to make a face like your pumpkin...this is what I got!